Toileting…ewww: The Taboo Subject for Your Aging Parents

November 28, 2022December 12, 2022 by Cindy

Toileting Your Aging Parents When Independence Fades: The Taboo Subject

_{(affiliate links contained in this article)}

Introduction

The toileting issue is a major taboo subject in our society. It’s something we talk about behind closed doors, if at all, and then only with those closest to us. But it’s a major concern for many aging parents and their caregivers alike. How can you help your parent stay independent while also ensuring that they’re getting the care they need? At the end of this post are some tips on handling this tricky situation!

Taboo.

When it comes to the subject of toileting, we are more reticent than the Queen.

This is odd for a few reasons. First, everyone has to go at some point—whether that be peeing or pooping—and second, it’s not a particularly pleasant topic, so why do we avoid talking about something so basic and inevitable? Probably because it reminds us how our parents will one day old and unable to care for themselves alone. Well guess what! That day has come and gone! You need to talk about this with your aging parent now before they become completely dependent on you.

Yikes.

It’s a big, messy topic. People are uncomfortable talking about it, so we avoid the subject and pretend it doesn’t exist. But the reality is that toileting is an issue for many older adults and their caregivers—and ignoring this fact can lead to embarrassment, shame, and unnecessary stress on you and your loved one. Caregivers in facilities have training for assisting residents to the bathroom and assisting in activities of daily living (ADLs). If you are a family member, embarrassment, pride of the aging loved one, and normal privacy habits prevent the request for help when it is needed.

Toileting is a taboo subject in our society because no one wants to talk about poop or pee! And yet we need to be honest with ourselves if we’re going to have open conversations with others (like healthcare workers) who can help us find solutions.

Why should you talk about toileting with your aging parents?

It’s important for them: If they’re having difficulty using the toilet independently, then they may feel embarrassed or ashamed of themselves—which only makes things worse.
Once it becomes difficult to arise from a chair, waiting to go to the bathroom is common. Painful joints, balance difficulties, and difficulty going from sitting to standing can be a deterrent for frequenting the bathroom. This hesitancy may lead to urinary tract infections, embarrassment, and furniture damage. If there is difficulty arising from a chair, arising from the commode is probable. At this point, installing grab bars ( https://amzn.to/3uHJjy4 )in the bathroom for showering and getting on and off the commode is advisable to prevent falls in the bathroom. Bathrooms are full of sharp and hard surfaces.
When your loved one has difficulty toileting on their own, hygiene is of concern. Let’s face it, stiff and painful joints make personal hygiene difficult, and asking for help? Ewww. But, urine is like acid on the fragile skin of our elders, and other debris is full of bacteria. So, be big enough to be available as needed for your loved one. Wear a clothes pin on your nose and gloves if needed, but be there for them!
It’s important for you: You need honesty from your caregiver(s) when it comes time for them to care for your parent(s). If there are problems like incontinence that aren’t being addressed properly now but could get worse later on (for example), be prepared to plan for additional levels of care. More hours, more time, more people may be necessary.
Most of the time when a loved one is no longer able to stand and walk, total care in the bed is necessary. Therefore waterproof mattress covers, turning pads with loops, waterproof bed pads, diapers (https://amzn.to/3VOnHvZ ), skin protectant, and personal cleaners (https://amzn.to/3HsR42x )will be needed. Click here to see an example: https://amzn.to/3hgC2Ce.

The toileting issue is a major taboo subject in our society.

The toileting issue is a major taboo subject in our society. It’s embarrassing to discuss, especially among family members. It’s not something most people want to talk about over dinner or drinks with friends. However, if you have aging parents who can no longer take care of themselves and need help with toileting, you’re going to have to address this sensitive topic sooner or later.

So how do you start the conversation? How do you ask your loved ones if they need assistance with their potty time? And, what should you do when they admit they are uncomfortable doing their business on their own anymore? Plan changes in routine together. Plan change in schedules, signals that respect their privacy and dignity.

No one wants to talk about toileting.

Let’s talk about toileting so you don’t want to be caught with your pants down or your pants off?

It’s a touchy topic for many people, but it’s something that needs to be discussed nonetheless: when toileting becomes difficult or impossible for aging parents, do not keep mum about everything…until something goes wrong.

Conclusion

This is the reality for many people, especially those caring for or arranging care for elderly parents. You can make things easier on yourself and your parents by being open about any bathroom issues that come up with them. The best way to do this is by initiating a conversation about toileting when they first start showing signs of needing more help (like asking you to help them get dressed in the morning). This way, they won’t feel embarrassed or ashamed when asking for assistance because they know it was discussed beforehand.